Ed

What early permanence means
“When we began our adoption journey through early permanence, we knew it would change our lives. What we did not fully realise was just how much it would shape us as a family and how important early permanence can be for a child’s sense of belonging.

Early permanence allows children to live with a family while decisions about their long-term future are still being made. For our child, this meant fewer moves in care and the chance to feel settled much sooner.

My partner and I decided to include early permanence as a possible route alongside traditional adoption so that we could keep our options open. We were a little daunted by the thought that the child placed with us might one day return to their birth family, but we were reassured that if that happened, it would be because it was the best outcome for the child. We also knew that we could make a valuable contribution as a ‘bridge’ for them through a difficult time. In the end, we found that this uncertainty was manageable, and the day to day reality of caring for a young child kept us more than fully occupied!”

A rigorous but important process
“Like every adoptive parent, we went through a thorough and at times daunting assessment process. It was demanding and tested our resilience, but it made us think carefully about whether we were ready. Looking back, I can see how important that rigour was in preparing us for the journey ahead as well as making sure adopting a child was right for us, and more importantly, our son”.

Our social workers from Adoption Matters were a lifeline. They supported us through each stage, guided us when decisions felt difficult, and continued to stand by us with practical support and advice once our child came to live with us.

“One of the most valuable parts of the process was the training on therapeutic parenting and the PACE model. It helped us to understand how we could best support our child’s development and emotional needs. I would encourage anyone considering adoption to be open and ready to learn about the needs of children who come through care, and about the parenting approaches that can best help them grow and thrive”.

Practical challenges and the need for support
“Practical challenges were real. I used all of my annual leave in those first months so I could be there for our child at such a crucial time. That experience made me appreciate just how vital proper adoption leave is, and why employers need to recognise and support adoptive parents in the same way as any other parent.

Family support was equally important. Before starting the process we had decided to move closer to our extended families so our child could grow up surrounded by people who cared deeply for them and could be part of their story. Our families were wonderful throughout the process. The guidance we received on how to talk about adoption as our child grows has already been incredibly helpful. As a middle-aged gay couple, my partner and I had grown up without the expectation of having a family, so for us and our wider families it has been an unexpected and deeply joyful experience to share the journey of raising a baby, and now a lively toddler”.

The joy of everyday moments

“One of the most rewarding parts of family life has been finding our rhythm together. We have quite a structured routine, especially around meals and naps, which our little one now knows well, there as a result has strong opinions if lunch is late! We also have a daily music and singing routine, which has turned into joyful family dancing and rattle-shaking sessions. Right now, we are firmly in a ‘vehicle phase’, with cars and diggers being a HUGE fascination. These small moments make every challenge worthwhile”.

What adoption has taught me
“Adoption is not about creating a perfect picture. No family is perfect. What matters is providing a home filled with patience, honesty and love. Children need parents who are prepared to take a leap of faith, to keep communication open, and to stand by them through both the good times and the challenges.

For anyone considering adoption, my message is simple. The process can feel overwhelming, but every step has a purpose. Early permanence may seem uncertain at first, but it gives children the gift of stability and the chance to build family relationships from the start if it’s decided that adoption is what they need. With the right support, it is possible, and it changes lives.

Our home may not be perfect, but it is loving and safe. That is what children need most, and that is what truly makes a family”.

To find out more about adoption and early permanence, download our adoption information pack here.

Ed’s story was first published by Adoption England in 2025.